Silas and I got into my Jeep and headed out for a drive to bring my husband’s truck to the mechanic. My younger son Sam wanted to ride with Jon in his truck because he loves him more than me and reminds me everyday. That left me and Silas riding together, following them in my Jeep. I prepped him before we left.
“Okay, so listen, I just bought this new album on iTunes and I was thinking we could start listening to it on our drive into town”. Silas buckled himself into the back seat and pushed his glasses further up on his nose. “Okay, what is it called?”.
“Petit Biscuit”. He’s a 16-year-old teenager from France. Do you know what the word ‘petit’ means in french?”
“It means small or tiny or little”.
“Oh, so his name is Little Biscuit?” Silas asked, dubious. “I guess so!” I answered.
We started out the driveway and I hit Play. Petit Biscuit falls into the Electronic/Ambient genre I’ve been drawn to the last several years. The first track I wanted to hear was called “Sunset Lover”. I told Silas that was the title and was relieved when he didn’t ask what “Lover” meant. Buying a new album for me is a process. Especially if I really love the artist. I have to slowly listen to one song at a time, over and over and over again until I’ve digested it enough to be able to move on to the next song. I kind of have to become good friends with one song before I can move on to the next.
Riding in the car with Silas is much like riding in the car by myself. Neither one of us does much talking as we’re both too much in our heads. We usually just sit there looking out the window, swimming around in our own thoughts, emerging every now and then to ask a question.
“Hey Si, what do you think of this song?” or “Mom, why do we have to have gravity?”.
There are times when I run across a picture of the boys when they were infants, looking almost nothing like they do now. I reminisce about nursing them, being needed in such a fundamental way. Being their world. And for a moment I feel a bit sad that they have gotten so big and so much more independent.
But then, there are moments like this, when Silas and I are both loving the same song and talking about the different instruments and how the song makes us each feel, and I am reminded about how equally awesome it is to connect with him in this way too. He’s going to be 9 in a few weeks. He’s almost to the double digits. He’s only 25 pounds away from weighing as much as me. He’s up to my shoulders already. Sometimes, if I can’t find any socks to wear, I’ll just dig through the clean clothes in the dryer and pick out a pair of his. I sometimes look at him and can’t fathom that he came out of my body.
The song comes to an end and for a brief few seconds, the car is filled with silence. If I were alone, I’d just put it on “repeat” the entire time, but I try to take into account that other people in the car don’t necessarily want to hear the same song for 35 minutes. When abruptly, from the back seat, Si asks, “Mom, can we hear that one again? And, can you please put that on my Boyz Jamz playlist??”.
I hit play again, turned up the volume just a bit more and enjoyed the ride with my Little Biscuit.
I would highly recommend putting some ear buds in and listening to this guy: